It's here I see the truth.

I don't know where to begin so I'm just going to start writing. This post is dedicated to the month of May. Where did May go? I can't find it! It's June 3rd today and somehow I let it go by. Maybe it was all my coursework, maybe I was in a fibrofog. All I know is that I have 22 days left in New Zealand, 5 in Fiji, and then I must face the unknown. I don't know what will happen when I get home, how I'll feel, if anything will change. I know I've changed and I know what I want. Today I felt the stress of coming back home though. I want to see my friends and family more than anything, but I don't want things to go back to how they were. I can't lose site of what I know now. There's something about the United States that makes me stressed. Maybe I'm just overexaggerating, but why don't I feel it as much here? I don't worry about what people think, I'm focused on me. People here are relaxed and not overly busy. They focus on one thing at a time and maintain a relatively stable lifestyle...at least the parts I've seen and experienced. The "homour" here keeps life exciting.

Dance Camp
May 7th-9th

Cooper's Beach: up north about five hours.
For Community Dance, my class, we had a "field" trip up north.

My jounal: All my thoughts and the heart talks...
May 7th, 2010
We arrived at Cooper's Beach Christian Camp at 7pm on Friday May 7th. It was already dark so I haven't seen much of the scenery but the sounds of the ocean are very peaceful. We met Josie who lives nearvy. She is the leader of the dance camp for the weekend. She runs her own studio and was a student in Ralph's class years ago. While Ralph was cooking in the kitchen Josie took us for a walk on the beach. We stood in a circle and wrote our names in the sand. We all had to go around and dance out the letters that spell our names. We then just stood there and listened to the ocean and closed our eyes. We were instructed to listen and move any way we want, whatever we felt. Then we did a sort of follow the leader and danced on the beach in an Indian run. We came up with our own movements and the person behind would follow and copy. When we came back, Ralph had made us tortellini spinach, salad, break, cheese and crackers, apple crumble for dessert (with homemeade whip cream) So good! I didn't know was so swift in the kitchen! :) Annie, a girl in my class, is a massage therapist and she gave me a killer massage. I needed it! I'm excited for tomorrow. I miss Andrew (I hope you're reading this).


May 8th, 2010
I'm looking at a tree where half of the leaves are dead and half are still green. I'm not sure if the tree is dying or if it's just because here in New Zealand the season is changing to fall. (hey, I'm just writing what I wrote. It's kind of silly...don't laugh! haha ok...even I did when I read this.) Thinking about the mix of leaves got me thinking about life. (deep, I know...) Does one have to accept death in order to appreciate and experience the joy of life?

This morning was fun with all the activities. I wasn't really awake until awhile ago. (I was, but really wasn't, know what I mean?) It was relaxing to walk by the beach and listen to the sounds in complete silence. If I wasn't with the class and I was walking alone I think I would have responded more to what I saw and heard. I'm more into doing those activities without people around to keep me company. We got to see Josie's home/dance studio. It was a very old and eclectic. The studio was in a barn which made it super ruggid and rustic. I liked it. I'm enjoying the company, but I wish my friends and family could be here. I miss them, especially because the boys would LOVE all the forrests I've been through, volcanos and mountains I've climbed.

What I like about my classes is the fact that everybody understands it. I've never felt so much in the right place.

May 9th, 2010
Last day at Dance Camp

*The movements we make don't have to be technical, and it can still be powerful (Mishlea)
*The environment changed us (Andrew) ....not my Andrew ;)
*When you're put in a situation our of the ordinary it was easier to be on the same page with everyone and to be more creative. (Andrew)
*Within us/our class we created a community together. (Jazz)
*We can't influence the environment. (Laura)
*We can effect the feeling and energy while we're there, but once we're gone it's as if we were never there.
*Movement becomes organic. This experience gave us an opportunity to live, breathe, eat together for a short time...which created a closer community bond. (Annie)
*The environment effects us if we're open to it. (Anne)
*Elements of nature can move you (unknown)
*Freedom of the environment, uncontrolled, no lights, streets. It gave us the freedom to work. (Claire)
*We used the sounds, tastes, and sights to move us. (unknown)
*Much more pure to use all my senses to dance (Kate)
*The forrest was like a prop. (Emma)
*The environment can effect dance: mushroom example. Apparently mushrooms cannot be studied underground because all of these connections they have, they're there, but you can't see them.
*The environment opened my mind to the possibilities where dance can go. (Haylee)

I had no expectations for this weekend. I think that's what allowed me to be more open.

HIDE AND SEEK FOG

"The colors of this book remind me of you." (Lauren, 2010)...why I felt the need to site that, idk. Maybe it's due to all the research papers I've been doing ;)

Lauren, I feel like myself again. Tonight on itunes I downloaded probably more oboe music than my broke-self can afford, but I'm happy. It's me. Why do we sometimes compare ourselves? Why does it take us so long to believe that WE are worth it? I'm talented. Right now, that talent = wasted. I can't wait to start playing again. I need your help though. It's nevessary to have a routine. There is SO much time that I don't use. Really, time flies, but I have to stop this lazy attitude. Lauren, thank you so much for this book. I love IT and YOU very much :)

---listening to Concerto in D minor for oboe right meow!

No finals.
I'm one lucky gal when it comes to finals this semester. I have...yep...NONE! Zero, zippo, ZILCH! How the heck did I get away with that? ;)

By the way, I found MAY! I was doing research, writing essays, making videos, creating a business plan, writing a grant application, and doing seminars! May=SCHOOLWORK!

Who ever said I didn't do anything while I was here...that I was on a five month vacation. (ahem...Andrew!) lol. I did come here for school. I can honestly say it has fostered my creativity and I have never been this excited to wake up and go to class everyday. I LOVE it. Bungee jumping, skydiving, mountain climbing etc....that was all just a bonus ;)

It fees good to be done. However, I enjoyed not all, but most, of my projects I did. I was proud of the final results and excited to hand them in.

*Ava turns seven in a few days. HOLY SHMOLEY!!

*I leave for the South Island on Monday. HOLY SHMOLEY!!

*I go to Fiji on June 25th. HOLY SHMOLEY!!

Ok. So the rest of May? I know...I said I found it, but I lost it again. What else did I do. Oh, I went to Avenue Q with Connor and Mallory. Funny stuff. Look it up! The next day we went to Corimandal. Absolutely beautiful. We rented a car. And as in we I mean Mallory, Alex, Kevin, and I. We stayed at a backpackers place.

THIS WEEK.
I can't believe I made it. I thought it was going to take ages to write this. Ok...I may have left out a few details...more like a lot, but I don't know if my fingers can handle much more intensive writing ;)

As of Tuesday, yeah...doesn't May was no longer around. June, the FINAL month was really here. "All I know is that I have 22 days left in New Zealand, 5 in Fiji, and then I must face the unknown."

This week=last week of classes. All I've done is listen to seminars, watch performances, and fill out evaluations. Oh, I did go to Sex and the City 2 last night. I had a cosmopolitan while watching it. (not that tastey, but it was fun cause they drank those! what? I can be girly if I want to be!) The movie was worth seeing, but not as good as the first. I definitely ripped into certain parts and criticized it, but I won't say anything cause I'm not sure if my sista has seen it yet ;)

Tomorrow is this showcase thingy. I know...thingy shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocab, but whatever. I don't know what the garsh darn "thingy" is called! Anyways...there will be a showing of all the "works in progress" and projects etc. from this semester. We will be showing our videos from Mark's class (Dance and Technology) and then I will be filling in for someone and being Alysia's partnet. I have NO idea what I'm in for yet :o) It should be a good time. Did I mention FREE pizza? Yeah...like I said....should be a good time!

Haylee-bop